01-OVERTHINKING CAN'T SIT WITH US

 My Overthinking

Firstly, I want to introduce myself, I am wanwan, currently reside in Kuala Lumpur. I was born in one of the north state. I am extraverted introvert. If audiences don't know whats thats means. It is the condition of an introvert person pretty much showed the extrovert version of themselves while deep in their roots, it is strong emergence of introvert person. Maybe if my explanation was not clear much, audiences can google 'extraverted introvert'. 

Soo the very first ever topic I will choose for my blog is OVERTHINKING. The audience is probably questioning why I use blog as a medium of communication while there are much more better way to express myself. Damn guys it is because I am an extraverted introvert. I couldn't really get into Tiktok, Instagram or Facebook. Thats not my type of medium. It is super rare to see a 20's years old write something in the blog nowadays. It is ME. 

It was back in 2004, one small boy with the sweetest smile, soft-spoken indeed, little feminine but not exaggeratedly misbehaving, always cry for many reasons, a sugar tooth herewith. He had been neglected for some other times with the siblings. But the siblings have their support system, their large group of friends while me I am a lone ranger. He has mom and dad, they are kindhearted but their children somehow not their first priority. I dont want to share any disgrace but it is somehow built me, I means OVERTHINKING ME. They gonna take credit for the trauma they give to me but I do never hate them. It is just one of the reasons. I means there are many factors but this is the BIG factor. I am somehow have to settle my own problems and issues ever since I was in the grade 1 in primary school, otherwise I will get scolded by my mom, and have no reaction by my dad, never gave solutions or good opinion to the children, it always negative. If audiences can see it, it is a mild child neglect and wrong parenting style. Apart from that, my primary school year is basically a nightmare for introvert person. I am all alone. I still remember almost everyday, they pick me up very late, during the waiting time at the bus stop, I was sitting alone, no friend nobody there, with the plenty of time I somehow created a lot of questions. It is really destroy my self-esteem as a human being. I have no confidence to do anything and as a kid I always think that they do not love me as their kid at some point. I need to think like an adult while meanwhile I was eight yrs old. I still remember they did not come to my majlis anugerah cemerlang and perhaps there are once they come very late. It hurts soo much and during that time I feel I dont belong to them. And during highschool, I was in a boarding highschool, when it is the time to return home, they always pick me up late. They were rarely visit me when there are some weeks male students were not allowed to return back home or outing. That plenty amount of free space for me to overthinking from 2004 until idk maybe now have accidentally created an overthinking me. I accidently built vulnerability and fragility within my own bubble. Now I am a human being with several social knowledge. I understand that my parents have no luxury to learn parenting style by modern Islamist or western ideology. What I understand is Asian parents tend to transfer their childhood trauma to their own children, mostly la not all. I hereby want to apologise to my parents for always accusing yall for my trauma but yes it is really affect my life. Dont worry I have learnt on how to overcome my misery by staying away from yall. Soon after my mental health is in a excellent position, Im gonna head back north. I promise to mak ayah. I am not your anak derhaka, I am continuing my HEALING journey only. Pray for me to be a better human in the world and Hereafter.

To be continued.....